MAKING CONTACTS THROUGH PERSONAL CONTACT COLUMNS.

Making new contacts through newspaper personal contact columns.

This post was originally written as a help to those persons that had "moved on" after a grieving period, but, the suggestions will be suitable for all that have considered using them but are a little unsure.

Life goes on, and, in most circumstances, eventually you will start to think about a new relationship. There is no "time scale" for this to happen, but, most certainly it will.

One day, and it will have crept up on you very slowly, you will realise that you miss the personal contact that you had with your partner, that private touch as you passed each other, the quick kiss, that cuddle, those parts of life that are so small, but, mean so much. For her, it's not the hug that she gets from her girlfriends, for him, it's not the touch on the shoulder from his mates, it's the next, natural step.

Where is that person?. Once again, as with many questions that we have to ask ourselves in our new situation, the answer is out there, but, we have not had to ask the question for a long time.

Since your bereavement you will probably be "out of touch" with social events, you possibly refused many invitations, either because, you felt that it was too soon, or, because you always felt "the odd one out", and, who wants to come home to an empty house?. If you are a she, the wives didn't encourage you close to their husbands, and, if you are a he, the husbands don't want you close to their wives. I am being honest.

O.K., so it's single persons of about your age group. Don't laugh, and you probably have in the past, Personal Contact Columns in your local area newspaper.

Do you remember when you and your partner, in the past, read them together and laughed?. I do. There are some basic rules.

Be in charge, don't reply to an advert, be the advertiser. Never use your surname, or your full address, and, always give a mobile phone number, never your land-line. Give the honest facts, your age, likes and dislikes, the area that you live in, height and shape, this information is enough for any reader to need in the first instance, and should they be interested, they will leave a message that you can listen to when you wish. You can play the message several times and this may help you to get an impression of that person.

The "voice" will leave a contact number, should you wish to do so, or, can be deleted. If you choose to make contact with one, or more, of the "voices", do so from your mobile phone, if you are still nervous, buy a phonecard and use that as a temporary phone number, the first call is a nerve racking experience for many, it needn't be.

Your first words will be, along the lines of, "Hello, is that ( his or her first name ) you replied to my ad in the " newspaper" ), and your started.

At this point you must still keep personal details private, have some questions written down, "do you smoke", "do you like a drink", "are you divorced/widow/widower", "what type of entertainment do you like"..Don't talk for too long, if you like what you hear, arrange another call a few days later.

You may have this call with two or three of those that made contact with you, WARNING, remember to keep notes, on a separate piece of paper, for each name. Now is your thinking time, maybe 3 or 4 calls over the next couple of weeks, and then you decide to meet.

RULES, a public place in a busy area, Saturday, 3 o/clock in the afternoon in the local Costa coffee shop, tell a friend, and ask them to call you on your mobile at 3.30pm to check that all is o.k., don't worry, they will possibly do the same thing. You are on your way, this may be your only meeting with them, enjoy their company for an hour, tell them that you are possibly going to meet others, don't agree to anything until you have had time to think, you have each others phone numbers.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

If YOU have anything that you could offer in the way of advice please do so using the comments or, by e-mail to, trevor.downer1@ntlworld.com

Thanks.